My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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