in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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