She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
