May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
