im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
