Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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