dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
