airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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