No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
