just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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