My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
pray to the hookup gods
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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