I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
