I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
