he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize