I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
