dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i think my cat just said my name.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
