eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I lost the right to judge tonight
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
