It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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