another moral hangover. fuck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
