I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
