Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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