first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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