So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
