he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
