you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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