Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
