she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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