wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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