I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
