Do vagina's smell?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
