mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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