I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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