Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
