You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
