hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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