I hate all girls vehemently.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
