There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
