I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
