First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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