We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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