One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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