i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize