I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
