There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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