FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
