I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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