What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
tell me about the eggs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
