Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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