An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
