He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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