we're chasing vodka with high fives
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
