Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
