She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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