We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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