Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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