They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
