So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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