he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
