I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
