I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
