the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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