He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize