Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
