i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
