I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize