I skipped work to stalk him.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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