I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
