Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
