i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
