I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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