I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
why is half of my head shaved?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
