i jhust puked up my retainher.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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