You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
