Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
