how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
