I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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