He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize