I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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