She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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