Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
