She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize