I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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