I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
