you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
